Sunday, July 24, 2011

Traditional Roles

I struggle with my feelings about the "traditional" roles that we all fall into.  I want to think I'm progressive, I've grown up with great role models and strong women to look up to.  But, I still feel myself falling into the "mom guilt" area beyond just wanting to make sure everyone is happy and healthy.  

How is it that I have turned into someone who needs to hear appreciation for meals?  I sit and hold my breath while the DH and kids try it out until I hear the sounds of enjoyment.  WTH?   On the one hand, I feel that I should make something and they should eat it and everything is fine.  But on the other hand....I need that feedback.  And it kills me when DH says "it's fine" - I need more than fine.  I need to hear if I should make it again, if it needs something more, if it's too spicy or too bland.  BUT if he is too critical, I can't help but feel bad.  UGH!   For the most part, he's just happy to sit and eat in peace. 

This worry extends beyond the kitchen.   Am I the only mom who feels guilty when DH gives the boys their baths?  I should ENJOY the fact that he will do it, instead of feeling guilty that he's doing it while I am tending to other things in the house. 

Sometimes, I feel that I need to know TOO much information about what happens when I'm not here.  If I happen to go to happy hour or wine club, when I get home, I drill DH about what the boys had for supper, if they were in good moods, how and when did they go to bed.  Sure, I love to hear the cute funny stories too but I want details about how the night went.  Why?  Why can't I just trust that they were fed, happy and healthy and peacefully sleeping?  I never question DH's parenting ability, but I *need* those details.  I can tell that it irritates him but he still will indulge me and tell me. Sometimes I don't get enough details but I try to let it go.   

Even with how households have advanced I think that a lot of moms still feel the need to take care of the household, while the husband goes out to work and brings home the bacon.  How do you balance it out when you're ALSO going to work and bringing home that same bacon?? 

I've tried to get over the feeling that I've got to do it all and know it all.  Do you know how hard it is to ask DH to make a dentist appointment for one of the boys?  He has no problem doing it, but he needs to be asked.  It doesn't register with him to just take care of it.  So then in my mind, why don't I just take care of it myself? 

I should just relax, lay off the worrying and enjoy my family and house.  I should let DH do his thing and appreciate how awesomely we work together.  I realize this.  I do.  But it's so easy to fall into the guilt.  Grr. 


  1. It took me a while to let go of it. Now, I feel like if the boys are safe when I get home, that's all I need to know!